The Goat and his Hick
by DarkSorrow
Summary: This is about an evil goat and his plotting to take over the world... something ive always been planning to do


An evil Satanic Murderous eye gouging goat was strolling and baahing through the park one day when some little kid ran up to it  
  
"hello little pigme thing!!" the little kid said excitedly.  
  
The perturbed goat bit the little kids jugular. The kid screamed for his mother shrieking "mommy mommy the pigme ate my voice box even though im still talki..." and the little kiddy keeled over from blood loss.  
  
The goat was angry. He didn't get enough credit for being evil. They called him a pigme. A PIGME!!! That was the last straw. It was time to take action!!!  
  
The goat angrily ran up to his book called "taking over the world in 30 minutes or less" and began reading. "Piece of Wal-Mart crap! didnt tell me anything! looks like i must make my own ideas."  
  
The goat schemed and schemed for several weeks and finally he put his plan into action.  
  
The goat stealthily moved into a farmhouse with syringes and needles. He moved onto the field but suddenly he burped loudly.  
  
"Who dat dern burpn piggae! Who go dere!!" Shouted a country hick.  
  
The goat hid behind a pumpkin, but he suddenly remembered he was allergic to pumpkins. He started baahing uncontrollably.  
  
"What in pa's name is dat!?" the hick squeaked as he grabbed a pitchfork and edged closer to the baahing goat.  
  
Suddenly, the goat jumped the farmer. He stabbed the hick with his horns while the farmer pressed a pitchfork to his neck.  
  
"looks like its a dem dere draw" the farmer said as they backed off each other. "yer preddi goo' for a city slicka... My names Ray... billy bob ray" The goat replied with a baaah (my names evil goat... im an evil goat)  
  
"hey dere evil thang aye reckon yer far away from da big city... wan me ta give ya a ride?"  
  
Baaaah! (no im plotting to rule the world right now mebbe later)  
  
"well den dere i guess ahll help ya... aye reckon dat rulin the world might do goo' to dem crops a mine... ahll strike it rich!!"  
  
So Evil Goat having a new friend, walked from the field to the farmers cabbages.  
  
"That them cabbages are mah salvation... they prize winnin cabbages they are" Ray said as Evil goat pulled out a needle. "What ya doin dere goaty? ya aint plannin to sab'toge my cabbages are ya?"  
  
Baaahh (its with my plot to rule the world... dont worry ill give you australia once im done)  
  
"well ah reckin thats a fair deal" Ray said as he scratched his head.  
  
Evil Goat stabbed the ground with the needle and injected about a gallon into the ground. All of a sudden the ground started growing.  
  
"well gosh.. i aint neva know them cabbages cood do dat!" Exclaimed ray.  
  
The cabbages pulled themselves out of the ground and eerily made their way to the goat, bowing in long ranks.  
  
The cabbages had short, stalky legs and sharper teeth than a pirahna. Their arms were living weapons, the sharpest leaf in the planet, as good as short swords, and they could spit a poisionous seed at high speeds at anyone they pleased. Excellent weapons.  
  
"Gosh dern cabbages look vicious... too bad ah neva saw them like that before they could eat all them gol'dern crows that attack my poor pet penguins" the farmer said wonderingly.  
  
BAAAAHHH (you have penguins!?!?!)  
  
"well sure dere but they aint dat smart... they migrated down here and refused to leave once they fell in love with the local ducks... you dont wanna see them babies" the farmer shuddered. "ah rekin ah could round them up ah got well near a thousand of dem penguins.... their mighty feisty though"  
  
BAAAH(Excellent)  
  
So with that, the goat, Ray, and his minions of cabbages and penguins went to Evil Goats Headquarters: The pentagon. You see, he impersonated the FBI leader dude, killed him, then took over the pentagon, and has been leading it since 1942.  
  
The next morning they will start the attack!  
  
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Meanwhile, Bubba the evil farm moose just heard the un-infested cabbages talk about evil goat and his plot to rule the world. He was also plotting and he was angered. he went to the pentagon equipped with a huge arsenal of weapons. "Evil goats gunna FRY," He shouted angrily. Just then, the cabbage minions were filing out the door. They saw the moose and instantly shot at him with seeds. Evil moosey looked at them contemptiously and shot 40 of them down instantly while also dodging the seed shots. Farmer Ray ran up to him.  
  
"Dat dere cabbages are der der der evil goats and he be mighty angry wit ya," Ray shouted as he whipped out his pitchfork.  
  
Evil moose was too fast for him, however. Ray stabbed at him but the moose tore the fork out of his hands.  
  
"dat dere moosey needs a spankin" ray said shakily as he whipped out betsy the 12 gauge and shot his horns off.  
  
I think that the moose got kinda mad cuz his eyes turned red and he rammed Ray into the pentagon wall and was about to kill him when he heard a baah behind him.  
  
BAAAH (your gunna get it once and for all, moose)  
  
mooo (i think not my fine feathered friend)  
  
and with that they locked heads together. Goat jump kicked moose in the face and moose bit at goats jugular. goat climbed on mooses back and started poking at his eyes. Moose tossed him off onto the ground.  
  
BAAH (ouch)  
  
Moooooo (i have you now!)  
  
Moose pulled out a poisionous dagger out of his fur and held it up to goats throat. Goat saw his life pass before his eyes. Him being born, him tying his first victim to the jet of an airplane, him throwing the FBI leader out the window, and him gouging bin ladens eyes out with a rusty well used spoon.  
  
Moose lowered the knife to goat, his eyes shining maliciously.  
  
Mooooo (this is the end for you)  
  
Goat( screw you hippy)  
  
Moooo..(interesting last..)  
  
BLAM BLAM  
  
the next thing goat knew ray was standing over the corpse of a dead wild moose.  
  
"ah knew dat dere moosey was a rabid lil bastard... He wasnt good enough for betsy ah rekin" ray said with a happy glint in his eye.  
  
The next morning was the attack day! Goat sent his penguins into the white house for a "tour" then they abandoned the group and kidnapped the president. All the farm food in the world was revolting!! the chickens attacked the farmers while the cows chewed on little kiddies livers. The cabbages wreaked the most havok, however. The judge at the national cabbage convention got jumped by all the cabbages and was stripped naked and exploited on the internet. evil carnies from the sewers held all the carnival guests hostage until they swore fealty to the evil goat. The world was in his grasp. The final step was to get rid of the canadian mounties. They were thwarting his plans to rule the world by laying pesticides all over and killing several cabbages and penguins. No matter, however, as a few well placed tons of C-4 were planted around their main quarters. Evil goat finally ruled the world!!  
  
He gave ray australia and a bit of canada for his good services and retired in jamaica to live the life of luxury.  
  
-------------------THE END-------------- 


End file.
